Mar 27, 2013

The Lonely Guy and How Never To Become Him

Lonely Guy

How to never become that sad and lonely guy we all pity.

Many lonely women are actually just lonely for a partner, they often have a close group of friends and a healthy social life but lack that special someone with whom to share their life.

While this can be true for the lonely guy too,  most commonly lonely men also lead lonely lives.  They have few, if any, close friends and don’t socialize much.  Usually when they do go out they will be that single guy sitting by himself at the bar.  Often they find that one bar where they’re most comfortable and seldom venture elsewhere.

It’s not uncommon that loneliness is the underlying problem that leads to alcoholism, obesity and depression for these men.  These problems in turn increasingly raise the level of isolation these men feel.

Compounding this problem is the fact that men are much more unlikely than women to speak about their feelings of loneliness.  Go to any forum that deals with these types of issues and any time you see a subject line like, “I am so lonely” or “lonely and broken hearted” it is many times more likely to have been written by a woman than a man.

This is usually because a lonely guy will feel that his loneliness is an indication of a character flaw or a sign of weakness.  He won’t want to talk about it, perhaps can’t even admit it to himself.

The lonely woman who is seeking a partner to share her life with.  The lonely man is looking for a girlfriend so that she can provide him with a social life.  Make sure he’s kept entertained and to create fun in his life.

This unrealistic expectation for her often becomes more of a burden than she can handle.  The relationship can suffer and will frequently end quickly.  Further reinforcing and strengthening his sense of isolation.

Unfortunately for him, our society will avoid the lonely guy.  The man who appears to be emotionally needy, the “I’m so lonely please don’t leave me” type will be shunned by most people.  This will create an unending cycle of broken relationships and disappointing friendships.

In time as a man’s loneliness deepens he will often develop compensating behaviors.  Food and drink frequently replace companionship for him, which can lead to obesity and alcoholism, possibly even drug abuse.

Without a healthy sexual outlet for himself, he may frequent prostitutes or develop an addiction to pornography and self-gratification.  He can also easily fall victim to those who are willing and eager to exploit his desperation and need for human contact.

It’s not uncommon for a lonely guy to develop and almost exclusively engage in solitary behaviors.  Like watching television for hours on end, staying up late in chat rooms, playing online games endlessly or even hanging out by himself in bars every night.

Sometimes his life will become centered on his job or work.  It often will provide the only social contact he has.   He will spend long hours and take on extra responsibilities in an unconscious desire to put off the prospect of returning home to his empty life.

Like other people, the lonely guy will sometimes get a pet for companionship.  Oddly enough though, he will commonly choose the type of pet that, other than feeding, requires little in the way of interaction. Like reptiles or fish.

What can be done to overcome this cycle of loneliness?

1.      You have to accept responsibility for your life and quit waiting for someone else to show up, take charge of your life and solve all  your problems.

2.     Become involved in some kind of social activity outside of work.  Take a cooking class, attend some seminars, find, join or start a club centered around something  you  enjoy doing.

3.     Develop a friendship group with other men.  Do this before attempting to begin a new relationship with a woman.  This way you’ll have some sort of  social outlet that she won’t be required to provide.

4.     Volunteer.  So many charitable organizations are in desperate need for volunteers.  As little as an hour or two every week from you can have a huge impact on other people’s lives.  This will as well as provide you with an opportunity to connect with people as well.

5.     Recognize and accept the fact that you really aren’t going to meet or develop meaningful relationships with people at bars and clubs.

6.     You may want to look for a different job if you’ve developed a situation of dependence there that you can’t overcome.

7.     If necessary seek out professional help help in dealing with your loneliness and depression. There are many resources available  that you can seek out.  Your public library can be a good source to help you locate one and you can also search online for something in  your locality.  Even if you’re not a religious person many churches have outreach programs that at the very least can help you find a  professional or other group that can help you.

8.     Finally consider joining a physical fitness group and take some basic nutrition classes.  Mental and physical fitness really do go hand in hand.

You don’t have to completely alter everything in your life all at once to accomplish your goal.  Make one small change every week and as these small changes begin to accumulate you’ll start noticing how much better you’re feeling. People around you will begin to respond to you differently.  Good Luck!

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